I would say . . . that lying is the most prominent and the most common characteristic of the life of sin. Consider the sequence of events. You commit a sin; you do not want to be found out, and you do not want anybody to know it, so you tell a lie. Because you have told that lie you have to tell another one to cover it; and on and on it goes, by a horrible process of geometric progression. It multiplies and multiplies until the whole life becomes a lie and a sham. Is there anything which is more characteristic of the non-Christian, sinful life than this element of lying? Deceit and lying, sham and pretense, are more obvious in the life of the world than anything else.
D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, “Darkness and Light: An Exposition of Ephesians 4:17-5:17,” pg. 218
4 comments:
Since Dec 2014, (I have to believe that it is the Lord's doing), The Lord started to reveal the many lies in my second husband's life (who claims to be a believer). First it was him who finally confessed to me that he had a serious "secret" drinking problem. Apparently, he was never really sober...Since he was a "functional alcoholic" (if there is such a thing), and there is liquor at home for him to drink...I never guessed that he was already drunk when he got home from work, practically every single day! We had been married for 2 1/2 years at that time, and our marriage was just going nowhere! A few months later, it was some questionable video he was watching on his phone that he accidentally let it slip. Then that led to more and more lies and cover-ups. Not until last August that it was totally revealed that he had (has) a porn problem. Our pastor didn't really take it seriously at first. I was always the focus because I would "lose it" when I find out his sins and on top of that, more and more lies! So with months of so-called counseling, my husband was never held accountable for what he did, except for the fact that I put an internet filter on his phones and computer. He was "remorseful" that he got caught. But he continued lying and saying "I don't remember" to avoid further questions. It wasn't until recently, when I caught my husband in a lie about talking with this one woman at work, that finally got my pastor's attention. The pastor finally sees that his lying is very serious and that the issues I had about him "playfully chatting" with women are legit! It is so hard to get pass this...I am doing a bit better about not blowing my witness when I am upset. But just yesterday, (by random chance?) I find out that he had added his favorite daughter as the contingent beneficiary to "our" Life Insurance. We have 6 children between us. But he named her 100% if we both pass away. He never consulted me on this nor did he come to me after the fact. He did this about 3 months ago! OMGsh! His thing is always: I am sorry, I wasn't thinking. But what will I find next? I know that I must trust the Lord to reveal what needs to be revealed. I do not find myself afraid because I know that the Lord is doing this. But what about the trust between my husband and I? Yes, I am commanded to forgive and learn to trust again. It is easy to say that my trust must be in the Lord, but don't I need to trust my husband too, in a relationship? I am just wondering if he is truly a believer or is he just that immature? WHy all the secrecy? Please pray for me to look to the Lord in all of this, and for my husband's salvation! Thank you!
Anonymous,
From your description, I'd have to say your husband is NOT a believer! It is sad, but it has to be true based on his life of sin.
I have been reading your blogs & came across those related articles on divorce & abuse. This is honestly the first time I have ever read something so different!
My first husband was such a "christian". I homeschooled all 3 of our children for 11 years. It wasn't easy but I believe that was what God had called us to do. But my first husband was always wrestling with his spiritual jealousy. He always needed to take all the credit for anything good! To make himself feel superior he often needed to put me down or make fun of me! Later, if I ever had a chance to serve at the church, esp. musically, he would always belittle me publicly. I never neglected our children or him because if it. But he didn't want me to get the attention or recognition. And seriously, that was not why I served. It is always privilege from God to serve His children. Eventually he started dictating which ministry I could be involved in. We went to the pastors for counseling & every pastor exhorted him to thank God for my desire to serve Him and to encourage me instead. But no! Instead he took me off health insurance & life insurance as punishment. When i confronted him about his sin he threatened that I would be sorry for this and took all the money out of the bank & left me with $60. I was no longer allowed to buy grocery for the family and I had to pay for my own expenses. I was still a stay at home/homeschooling mom. So i started teaching piano & later got my credential to become a substitute teacher! I finally had to file for divorce when I received a call that he was taking out an equity loan on our house. I needed legal help! During those insane 2 years, he accumulated over $80,000 in debt. My parents literally build a side house for me &the kids so we could move out. He slandered me at church, w/our kids, saying i was having an affair. He fought me to take the children away, stopped me from homeschooling. The nightmare finally ended when I left!
I always felt guilty for the divorce because i felt like being a christian i should have stayed! And sometimes i feel like I am being disciplined for remarrying someone else...i constantly felt condemned. Thank you for those articles.
Yet, with my current husband & our situation, he is only remorseful when he's caught! And then he promises he is growing & studying God's word & that God is changing him. I saw many warning signs while courting for 4 years. But he was always so good at his lies! I am praying for God's mercy!
WOW, That first guy doesn't sound like he was really a Christian either, but just a religious person. These people need to read Ephesians and what it says about husbands and wives, let alone the rest of Scripture.
By the way, discipline is used to correct a problem. Since you are married and cannot divorce without a biblical reason, then there is nothing to correct. God doesn't hold grudges. He may let you suffer the consequences of your actions, but that isn't discipline.
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