The “Noah” Movie

I read reports of this movie over the past month, from people who had seen previews, and realized from the get-go that it would be normal Hollywood garbage.  Yet the producer, Scott Franklin, claimed, “I think we stayed very true to the story and didn’t really deviate from the Bible.”

Regardless of such a claim, from the reports I've read I’ve acquired some information as to unbiblical problems with “Noah.”  And these don’t even include the fact that it was primarily an extremist enviro-nazi propaganda piece.

1.  Only one son takes his wife on the Ark in the movie, while in the Bible all three sons had wives with them.

2.  Noah decides who will be worthy board the Ark, while in the Bible it is GOD who chooses.

3.  The son with the wife has twin daughters, which are perhaps supposed to be the future wives of the other two sons.

4.  Noah seeks advice from his grandfather Methuselah to understand a vision by God; this never happened.  Apparently in the movie Noah really never understands God.

5.  Methuselah is shown to be sort of a witch-doctor with mental health issues.

6.  Noah has no concern for the people who will be killed in the flood, but the Bible says he was a “preacher of righteousness,” which would make his lack of concern out of character.

7.  When Noah learns that his son’s wife is expecting, he says if it is a girl she should be killed because God doesn’t want to repopulate the world.  Yet in the Bible we find that repopulation is exactly why Noah and his family — all eight of them — are saved.

8.  A wounded man cuts his way into the Ark and eats animals to stay alive as a stowaway, and even tries to kill Noah.  The Bible says no one but the eight of Noah’s family were on the Ark, and none of the animals died on the journey.

9.  Noah teaches theistic evolution to his family while on board the Ark.

10.  The “nephilim” are giant rock-creatures, help Noah build the Ark, and defend the Ark in battle.

Well, just with these little tid-bits, it should be no surprise to those who follow my blog that I won’t waste my time, money, or brain cells on viewing such trash.  However, Time magazine’s on-line review of this movie said it was “Better Than The Book.”  Of course that’s about what we can expect from a secular magazine.

Well, “Noah” has now been released in the theaters, and some good reviews have been posted.

The first one I read was a short one from Ken Ham’s blog.  He said the movie “is disgusting and evil — paganism.”  Ham said the movie “portrays Noah as a psychopath who says that if his daughter-in-law’s baby is a girl then he will kill her as soon as she’s born,” and that “Psychopathic Noah sees humans as a blight on the planet and wants to rid the world of people.”  Ham said the movie was boring and the worst movie he’d ever seen.

Ken Ham was able to get a more detailed review posted at time.com to rebut their claims about it.

“Except for some of the names in the movie, like Noah, his sons’ names, and Methuselah, hardly any remnant of the Bible’s account of the Flood in Genesis 6-9 is recognizable. Yes, there is an Ark in the film that is true to the massive biblical proportions, but it did not look like a seaworthy vessel. There were many animals that came to Noah and went on board the Ark, but there were far too many creatures crammed inside and certainly many more than were needed. Also, while the extreme wickedness of man was depicted, the real sin displayed in the film was the people’s destruction of the earth. Lost within the film’s extreme environmentalist message is that the actual sins of the pre-Flood people were a rebellion against God and also man’s inhumanity to man. . . . Ultimately, there is barely a hint of biblical fidelity in this film. It is an unbiblical, pagan film from its start. It opens with: ‘In the beginning there was nothing.’ The Bible opens with, ‘In the beginning God.’ That difference helps sum up the problem I have with the film.”

You really need to read his whole rebuttal.

The next review was by Debbie Schlussel.  Debbie is a practicing Jew, and she found the film to be abhorrent.  She starts her review with, “Hollywood committed Noahcide. They killed the Biblical story in favor of a People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, soap opera, action film version of what bears little resemblance to the Bible version.  The new movie, ‘Noah,’ in theaters today, would be better called a host of other things: ‘Game of Thrones Noah,’ ‘The Noah-dashians,’ ‘Dysfunctional Family Noah.’ Or just plain, ‘NOT Noah.’”  

Debbie is known for calling a spade a spade, so her review is much more harsh than even Ken Ham’s - but don’t miss it.

I finally read Glenn Beck’s review.  [Link gone by Sep 2020] Of course I know Beck is a Mormon, but even Mormons have a quasi-biblical worldview and agree with a lot of the Bible’s teachings.  Beck said of “Noah,” “It’s more take ‘Sinbad the Sailor’ meets ‘The Shining’ and ‘Friday the 13th,’ with a sprinkle of ‘Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.’”  He further stated that,“If you are looking for a biblical movie, this is definitely not it … It’s not the story of Noah that I was hoping for. If you are going for that, you will be horribly disappointed. . . . . I always thought of Noah as more of a nice, gentle guy, prophet of God … and less of the homicidal maniac that Paramount found in the Bible. More of the man [that] loves God, and less of him trying to break down the doors inside the ark to kill his whole family.”

Believe it or not, there are actually “Christian” leaders who recommend this movie.

Arch-heretic and political darling Jim Wallis proved he is not a Christian, and that he has no idea what the Bible says.  He was all twitter-pated about it:  “in my opinion Aronofksy’s Noah is a beautiful, powerful, difficult film worthy of the ‘epic’ label. A vivid, visually spectacular reimagining of an ancient story held as sacred by all three Abrahamic religious traditions, it also is the most spiritually nuanced, exquisitely articulated exploration of the ideas of justice and mercy I’ve ever seen on a movie screen. … And despite what you may have heard elsewhere, Noah is deeply, passionately biblical.  Nothing in the film contradicts the Bible’s account of Noah and the Great Flood, either in spirit or detail.”

Wallis must have see a different movie than these other people saw.

One last review I invite you to read is by Erick Erickson at Red State.  I liked the way he ended his review:  “Also, we might should [sic] consider burning at the stake any Christian leader who endorses this movie. The book is always better.”  I agree with you 100%, Erick!

And, by the way, this isn’t the last Hollywood religious garbage film to come out this year.  Elizabeth Prata has a good article about the problem with this type of entertainment, as well as examples of up-coming religious movies.