This post is part four of examining Chapter 3: To Inspire Mighty Men! of Bill Gothard’s book, 7 Basic Needs of a Wife.
With the last post I ended with number 7 of Gothard’s 21 “secrets for successful child rearing.”
Eighth secret: Boundaries for Exploration. (pg.32). Children who have no boundaries become emotionally insecure and mentally unstable.
I wonder what studies Gothard has made to come to such a conclusion. This is where “blanket training” come in: A playpen or a “play rug” is an example of a boundary. I’ve known one family using this method and have read a lot of testimonies from parents and grown children. A playpen isn’t something a baby is usually able to climb out of, but when they are put on a rug or a blanket it is normal for them to want to crawl around. Child abuse comes in when “training” the baby/toddler to say within that boundary—their hands or feet are smacked whenever extended past the boundary.
Ninth secret: Feeding by Wise Schedules. (pg.32) A strong controversy has developed over the manner in which a new-born should be fed. Should the child be fed “on-demand” or on a schedule? Those who argue for on-demand feeding need to realize the by so doing they are training their child to get what he or she wants by simply crying out. … The goal of scheduled feeding is to bring the child’s will into conformity to the parents’ authority. … Feeding on demand will produce a demanding child.
Now remember, this man has never been married, nor has he had children! We had two children, both nursed by mom unless mom was unable and then we used a bottle with mother’s milk. My wife fed on demand—i.e. when the child was hungry! No—it did not producing demanding children. All those we know who fed on demand did not produce demanding children. It does NOT train a child to “get what he or she wants by simply crying out.” The foolishness and ignorance of such teaching is damaging to those who listen to it.
AH, but let’s look at what Gothard uses to demonstrate how his teaching is correct:
God meets our needs as a Father who loves His children. However, HE does not always give us what we want when we demand it [um, I don’t know any Christian who “demands” from God]. David expressed his experience of learning to wait on God by saying, “O LORD God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee: Let my prayer come before thee: incline thine ear unto my cry” (Psalm 88:1-2).
Talk about twisting Scripture to support a belief!!!! This passage has nothing to do with feeding a baby!
Tenth secret: Birth-Order Tendencies. (Pg.33). Gothard uses Cain and Able, and “the prodigal son” as examples of the “tendency of the firstborn to reject the second born son” as proof of a standard/general enmity between first-born and second-born sons, and therefore, Mothers who want to train up mighty sons and daughters must understand and respond to birth-order tendencies. Maybe I’m ignorant, but I’ve never met families with this sort of trouble, so to make it as a general claim is erroneous.
Eleventh secret: One-Accord Power (pg.33) A family that has and maintains one-accord unity will have sons and daughters who are mighty in Spirit. What if a family does as he says and yet not all their children are “might in Spirit”? The periodic observance of the Lord’s Table and Communion in the home is an essential aspect of maintaining a one-accord power…. Well, I’ve never known any family who regularly, if at all, practice this observance in their home. I guess most families are at risk!
Twelfth secret: The Fear of God (pg.33-34). Other than some rambling, I can’t disagree.
Thirteenth secret: “Day Tight” Schedules. (pg.34). God designed the day to begin in the evening. As we meditate on Scripture when going to sleep and also asks God for wisdom for the projects of the day, our “reins also instruct me in the night seasons” (Psalm 16:7).
I can’t disagree with keeping schedules for activities, but one must also be flexible enough to make adjustments, but to abuse a passage of scripture to make a point is inexcusable.
Fourteenth secret: Verbal Blessings (pg.34). Gothard begins with his usual habit of an anecdote, supposedly of a real incident. Then he writes, A verbal blessing of the father [not also the mother?] has great power in setting the goals and desires of his sons and daughters. A blessing involves asking God out loud to impart a son or daughter with the qualities that he or she needs to become successful.
Can anyone show me from scripture this recipe for blessings? Can not BOTH parents bless their children? Can not the parents, in their own prayers, ask God to bless their children. That’s part of the problem with Gothard’s ideology—it’s so formulated for everything.
Fifteenth secret: Justice vs. Fairness (pg.35). God is a God of compensation. If He withholds a benefit from one person, He will compensate with other benefits which, in the long run, turn out to be more valuable.. This compensation is illustrated in the Body of Christ, where one member is given greater attractiveness and another who is less attractive is given greater importance. Another example is with those who are born in a poor family and yet are made rich in faith, and through faith they are able to acquire what is needed. (See James 2:5.).
Please show me from Scripture where this nonsense found—and James 2:5 has nothing to do with Gothard’s claims!!! Gothard just makes stuff up!!!
Sixteenth secret: Melodious and Triumphant Music (pg.35). Unclean music is produced by taking the corrupt music of the world, which promotes rebellion, immorality, and drug abuse, and combining it with Christian words. This music is the doorway through which unclean spirits are entering the hearts and souls of Christian teenagers and drawing them into the addictions of pornography, eating disorders , immorality, anger, lust, etc. Music and light are related, and Satan appears as an angel of light to deceive. (See Matthew 24:24).
First, who determines what music is “corrupt”? Just because it is secular? We sang a hymn which is to the tune of Auld Lang Syne—is that corrupt? The hymn, Hail the Glorious, Golden City is to the tune of the Austrian Hymn, used by the Nazis! I fully agree that there are some secular song which are trash, and some music sounds like it’s of the devil and not good for praising God with, but who makes that decision? Where is the evidence that such “unclean” music gives a “doorway” to unclean spirits so they can enter the “hearts and souls” of Christian youth—where does the Bible say unclean spirits can enter the “hearts and souls” of Christians? And just what has Matthew 24:24 have to do with music—It’s about false prophets!!! And where does it say, in Scripture or anywhere else, that light and music are related?!? Bill Gothard just makes up stuff as he goes!
God forced the unclean spirit in Saul to flee as David played melodious music on his harp. (See 1 Samuel 16:23).
The Bible doesn’t say God forced the spirit to leave Saul, it just says the spirit left as David played.
Stay tuned for the remaining “secrets” in future posts.
