In 1995, at a home-school conference, I acquired a 46-page booklet by Pastor Jim West titled, The Art of Choosing Your Love. Although there are some legalistic ideas in it due to being part of the “courtship” movement, overall he had some very good advice. For provoking thought, below I am sharing some quotations from this booklet.
What women should look for in a husband.
Your first criteria is to marry a man who can love you as Christ loved the church.
Is the man you will marry willing to forgo his own pleasures, his own hobbies, in order to may you happy with his love and to love you the way you wish to be loved? Is he willing to stop his television watching, put down the newspaper to listen to you and to talk with you? Although he is to be a hard worker, he is not to be married to his Job either. He must love you sacrificially. This means that you are to marry a Christ-centered man instead of a self-centered man.
In the home, the man is the king and the woman is his queen. The wife is a mistress who rules, but she does not rule over the husband. To her husband, she is royalty, but that royalty consists in her submission.
The man you desire should be a Christ-centered ruler. … A Christ-centered husband is a husband who is under the easy yoke of Christ. Your husband should rule over himself too. A man who loses his temper easily is a man who cannot rule. If he cannot rule his own passions, if he cannot put a cap on the nuclear reactor, then he cannot rule. The reason is that a man without self-control is a weak man, not a strong man.
Your husband should rule over you in a managerial sense. Three times in the Bible the husband is called a “manager,” that is, the manager of his household (1 Timothy 3:4). … The meaning that the husband is the head, which means that the head does not do the work of the arms or the work of the legs. The head does not do the work of the body. A manager does not say, “I can do it all myself.” Your husband must recognize your gifts and not squash them.
[Marry] a man who will cherish you.
[Marry] a man who respects you.
You must…submit to your husband’s economic decisions. … Although your input is important and crucial, and you husband is a fool if he does not consider your opinion, the final decision is made by your husband. As his helpmeet you must submit to his champagne appetite even if you have a beer budget. Will you marry a man who will listen to your advice? Or will he be like Nabal who was such a fool that “on one would speak to him” (1 Samuel 25:17).
You are to submit to your husband sexually. The culmination of marriage is the marriage bed. Any married woman who withholds her body out of blackmail or personal resentment is a wretch. … (1 Corinthians 7:4) The husband’s body is the wife’s and the wife’s the husband’s.
What men should look for in a wife.
(Referencing Proverbs 30, A man must find a “virtuous woman,” i.e. a “Proverbial Wife.”)
The Proverbial Wife works for God.
The Virtuous Wife fears God. … the more a woman knows about the Bible the more she will acknowledge the sovereignty of God. This is why it is good that a godly wife strive to know the Bible from Genesis to the book of maps!
A man who marries primarily on the basis of what he sees marries on the basis of lust. … There is no such thing as love at first sight. Why not? Because true love is not based upon appearance. True love is based upon the inward character of the heart.
You should be looking for a wife who is husband centered.
You are to trust the moral integrity of your wife.
You are to trust your wife’s fiscal competence.
You will also trust in your wife’s goodness.
You should be searching for a wife who will assist you in your work.
A woman who dresses to draw attention to her legs, breasts, etc., is lusting to be lusted after.
[Choose] A woman who is wise. … You should be searching for a woman of the Word.
[Choose] A woman with a good testimony.
The man who has chosen his love must love his choice.
The Bible never presents sex as mating; sex is portrayed as communicating. The Song of Solomon is about speaking lovers.
