This post continues examining Chapter 5: To Be Cleansed Within, of Bill Gothard’s book, 7 Basic Needs of a Wife. This is part two of this examination and continues the topic of “Cleansing Wives of Lies.”
I can never measure up.
This lie comes from the false idea that we are to compare ourselves with other people and measure up to their expectation of us. If we measure ourselves by other people, we will always find those who we believe are smarter, prettier, or more talented that we are. This will produce self-rejection and discouragement in us.
Greatness is not determined by how many people serve us but by how many people allow us to serve them. (pg.52)
Mr. Gothard started out good with we will always find those who we believe are smarter, prettier, or more talented that we are. But then he says this knowledge “will produce self-rejection and discouragement in us.” This may happen with self-centered people but everyone else should just accept the facts—that there are people who ARE smarter, better looking and more talented than we are aand move on. Also, we shouldn’t be thinking about how we can be great.
I am not worth anything.
When we believe this lie, we separate ourselves from the great works that God has planned for us to achieve. God said to Jeremiah, “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou tamest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations “ (Jeremiah 1:5). God has placed such a great worth on you that if you were the only one in the world, He would have sent His son to die for your sins so that you could have eternal life with Him. (pg.52)
So if a woman says to herself that she isn’t worth anything, can she really separate herself from whatever God has planned for her—does she really have that power?!? The chosen text says God ordained Jeremiah as a prophet—is this what the woman is to expect of herself? Of course not!! What if God doesn’t have anything special at all for the woman except for her to live her life in obedience to Him? The last statement about “great worth” is ridiculous because she would NEVER be the only person in the world!! Too much hyperbole.
The Bible passages Gothard uses are, as usual for him, out of context. John 14:12 and John 15:16 are directed ONLY to his apostles!!!!
I must hide my faults
The lie that if we reveal our faults, people will despise us. The opposite is true. People admire those who confess their faults, because they also have faults; therefore they realize the courage and humility that it takes to acknowledge them.
A second lie is thinking that we can hide our faults. They usually come out in ways that we are not aware of but that others notice. These are called “blind spots” in our lives. God has so designed life that everything we do in secret will become known, either during our lifetime or at the final judgement. (Pg.53)
If we tell everyone our faults it will sound like we are bragging about them. It also isn’t necessary to tell others all our faults; if they can’t help us fix our faults, why tell them? Some faults can indeed be hidden—such as sinful thoughts.
For “proving” his teaching here, Gothard cites three Bible passages; out of context, of course:
Proverbs 28:13, James 5:16 and Luke 12:2 (I’ll let you look them up). Proverbs is about dealing with God, not mankind. James could be supportive but, again, not all faults must be told to others. Finally, Luke is about between us and God for the most part. What if what I’m hiding is that I’m a spy for America in a foreign land—think of all the spies during WWII who helped win the war!
I think that, for the most part, the rest of Gothard’s “lies that wives believe” have essentially correct responses—although he does like to take Bible passages out of context.
Towards the end of this chapter Gothard approaches the idea of fear being a sin. He writes, “Wives are prone to fear.” I have to say this: HUSBANDS are also prone to fear. ALL people are prone to fear in various ways and/or situations. But I don’t think anyone is prone to fear 100% of the time.
Here’s an example of Gothard’s claims:
Fears are especially damaging to women, because they cause her hormonal balance to be upset and thus trigger a cascade of other physical and emotional problems. Fear does particular damage to a wife’s respiratory system. This results in a variety of disease symptoms. If these are treated with drugs, new symptoms will occur. Thus the root causes must be resolved. (Pg.59)
Okay, I googled these claims and found nothing about fear affecting hormonal balance. One who is suffering from constant anxiety and fear can affect breathing and the resulting problems, HOWEVER, this would have to be continuous and not occasional fears of various things. So fear is healthy in many situations in that it leads to more caution. To label all fear as problematic is just plain wrong!
Next, Gothard writes this:
Every wrong decision can usually be traced to a fear that in turn was based on a lie. (pg.59)
WRONG!! Many wrong decisions may be traced to a fear of something but most are made by being uninformed/ignorant on the topic bringing about the wrong decision!
Next: All fears can be traced back to a lack of genuine love, because “there is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love” (1 John 4:18). Love is concerned only about giving. Fear comes when we focus on getting. (pg.59)
Another absurd abuse of Scripture. If I fear driving in a blizzard, is that because of a lack of love? I was afraid with every-single one of the 43 parachute jumps I made while a paratrooper in the Army. Is that due to a lack of love? What about fear of going into combat—Is that a lack of love?
The rest of the chapter deals with various fears and how they are wrong, proving Gothard has no clue.
