The Husband’s Reign Must Be By Love

We must remember that power must be tempered by love; it is to be controlled by love, it is the power of love.  No husband is entitled to say that he is the head of the wife unless he loves his wife.  He is not carrying out the Scriptural injunction unless he does so.  These things go together.  In other words, it is a manifestation of the Spirit, and the Holy Spirit not only gives power but He gives love and also discipline.  So as the husband exercises his privilege as the head of the wife, and the head of the family, he does so in this way.  He is to be controlled always by love, and he is to be controlled by discipline.  He must discipline himself.  There may be the tendency to dictate, but he must not do so — “power, love, sound mind” (discipline.  All that is implicit here in this great word “love”.

So the reign of the husband is to be a reign and rule of love; it is a leadership of love.  It is not the idea of a pope or a dictator; it is not a case of “ipse dixit”; he does not speak “ex-cathedra”.  No, it is the power of love, it is the discipline of the Spirit, guarding this power and authority and dignity which are given to the husband.  That is clearly the fundamental and controlling idea in the whole of this matter — “Husbands, love your wives.”

D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Life in the Spirit in Marriage, Home & Work: An Exposition of Ephesians 5:18-6:9, pg.132